A child with anxiety carries a heavy burden.  She lives in constant dread.  There is always the next time to go to school, the next time to talk to somebody, the next time to leave home.  What we will share with you here as a parent will help you help your child learn to deal with her anxiety and eventually overcome it.

Education

We can’t give enough emphasis to the importance of education.  To the extent a child understands herself and others, and what causes what in her body, the less she will be controlled by anxiety.  Education is an important key to helping children with anxiety.  Knowledge of what causes these scarey feelings for the child gives her power to control her responses.  Many children develop anxiety because the responses in their body are a mystery to them.  They may fear their breathing or heart may stop and they will die.  With correct information, the child can interpret what is going on in her body with more realistic ideas.  See the handout “Education about the Body & Anxiety.”

The main ideas in a child’s mind are critical to her managing her anxious symptoms.  Of course, a child with anxiety worries.  What we are going to give you here are strategies to help your child stop worrying, manage his or her anxiety, and start living.

Important Fact  #1:  Learn to know what is a real external threat  and how to do something about it.  You can talk with your child about what real external threats are so she can learn to make the distinction between a real threat and an imagined one.  A game could be played, by thumbing through a picture book or magazine, identifying the real threat and the imagined one.  With practice she can transfer from the book or magazine to real life.  The parent could drive downtown and by the school and discuss real threats.  Learning to recognize an external threat requires correct information and taking precautions that increase safety.

Important Fact  #2:   Recognize that your internal threats  are not as real as they feel. 

Internal threats include bodily sensations that feel dangerous.  For example, many people believe that when they are in a  panic they are going to have a heart attack or choke to death.  In all of our combined years of working in the field of anxiety and fear, there has not been a single case reported  in professional literature or in our clinical work of someone with panic or anxiety dying of a heart attack or choking.  When you are in one of these panics, it is very hard to believe this is true.  All you know is that it feels as though you are going to die.  But the fact is....You Will Not Die. This is where you must trust your body to help you take care of you. 

Internal threats include feeling helpless, out of control, or that you will do something “embarrassing.”  These feelings are very real yet remember.....you are not helpless or crazy. 

You are in control of you, and you will not do something embarrassing.  In these situations, it is common to think that what you are experiencing is visible to others.  Most often it is not visible.    Very few people [if any] know what you are experiencing or can see it.  Most often people are thinking more about themselves and what other people are thinking about them.                                                                                 

Important Fact #3: You have to get rid of your “What If’s”.                                   

The “What if’s....” in your life are the biggest source of internal threats, and they come from you!   The “What if’s...” begin with a simple little thought that begins to grow and feed upon itself.  The whole process can start with “What if my friend doesn’t like what I said?”  And then it leads to, “What if he becomes so angry, he yells at me?”—  “What if he doesn’t want me for a friend anymore?”—  “What if I am all alone and no one will play with me during recess?”—  “What if I lose all my friends and have no more friends for years and years?”—  “What if there is no one that can help me? What if no one will help me?”—  “What if I become so depressed and discouraged I can’t eat or sleep or breathe?”—  “What if I die?

Nothing is usually as bad as you expect it will be.  The “What if’s...” are most often the worst part.  Usually,  the worst thing that could happen isn’t really all that bad or it never happens at all.  It takes mental discipline but a child can learn how to do this with effort over time.  This may be one of the most valuable lessons your child will learn.  Here is a plan of action to help your child gains skills in this important area of managing fears and anxiety.

Your Plan of Action

Every battle needs a well thought out plan, and fighting your fears is a battle with your thoughts and emotion.  The six step “weapon” you will learn will be of use to you in your daily life even after your battle is won....so learn it well.

Step 1:   Face It

If there is an external threat, do something about it.  Face it.  Solve it.  Share it with somebody or leave it.  If there is an internal threat, recognize you are giving too much power to thoughts and feelings that you need to ignore.

Step 2. Replace the Negative “What If’s” with a Positive

            Is the threat coming from your “what if’s?”   Change the negative “what if’s”

            to positive “what if’s.”   For example, instead of “What if I don’t get this job?”

            say “What if I get the perfect job for me!”

Step 3. Present Focus

            Stay in the present instead of jumping into the future.  Focus on the me-here-now: What am I touching?  What do I smell?  Who is with me?  What do I hear?  What can I see?  What is around me?  This will “ground” you and give you greater stability.  A child can learn to meditate very easily.  This skill will help him or her deal with a lot of life’s problems.

Step 4. Accept your Fear

                                    Accept your fear and anxiety.  Take some slow deep breaths, and  watch your

            anxiety or fear.  Rate it on a scale of 1 - 10.   Talk to it if you want.  “So there

you are again, Mr. Anxiety.  You will come and you will go...but you will not stop me this time.”  By accepting your anxiety instead of fighting it or running from it, you decrease its power over you.  Remember, fear is the opposite of faith.

Step 5. Stay with It

            Stay with it until you get through the “fear cloud.”  You may feel terrified, panicky,

or that you’re going to die, but these feelings and sensations will pass.  If you can stay with it, you will get to the other side where you can feel the exhilaration of mastering your fears.

Step 6. Do It

            Just do it.  Do what you need to do in spite of the fears you feel.  There is no other way to conquer your fear than to ACT.  Do what you really want to do.  Take the risk and act....get rid of your fear....try something you wouldn’t normally do at school...Talk to the teacher...Practice playing a sport....Go see a friend....Make a friend........  What ever you do...JUST BE YOU.